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Right, so I’m Dr. Evil, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” sittin’ here thinkin’ bout sexual-massage, yeah? Lemme tell ya, it’s like—wild, man! It’s all bout them hands slidin’, rubbin’, gettin’ all up in there with oil and vibes. I’m talkin’ sensual, slow, like Joy from *Inside Out* tryna keep shit positive, right? “Oh, look at this happy memory!”—except it’s yer body tinglin’, not yer brain.

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Next, I head to the park near the Castello di Cairo. It’s my favorite spot. Trees everywhere, birds singing, and I’m just vibing. But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, and I’m like, “Cool, let them have fun.” But then, one of them kicks the ball straight into a bush. And guess what? It’s my bush! My precious little saplings! I’m fuming. I march over, ready to give them a piece of my mind.

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