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So, like, sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s old, too! Heard Egyptians did it—fancy, huh? Pharaohs gettin’ frisky with oils—wild! Makes me wonder, hmm… did they tip the masseuse? Prolly not—stingy royals. Anyway, it’s s’posed to relax ya, boost the mood—wink, wink! But, ugh, some creeps ruin it—turn it sleazy. Makes me mad, ya know? Like, keep it classy, jerks!

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talkin’ about that strong espresso that kicks ya right in the feels. I’m sippin’ my brew, and boom! This pigeon swoops down and nearly takes my croissant! Like, dude, chill! It’s not your breakfast!