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Fun fact, tho—Russians got this old-school sex-dating trick, “svodnichestvo,” like matchmakers, but naughty. Back in the 90s, babushkas would hook ya up with a “date” for a price—proper shady, City of God-style hustle. “Run away, kid!”—that’s what I’d tell me younger self if I got mixed up in that. Nowadays, it’s all digital, but the hustle’s still there—fake profiles, scams, all that jazz. Gets me ragin’ sometimes, coz I just wanna find someone real, not some pixelated lie.

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Finally, I get it working again, and I’m back at it. I’m blasting away, and I can see the wall starting to look decent. I’m feeling proud, like I’m Michelangelo or something. But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude on a bike just wiped out on Via Cavour. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, c’mon, how do you fall off a bike?

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