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But lemme tell ya, it’s not all sunshine and biceps. Some profiles? Total liars! Dis one chick said she’s 25—turns out she’s 40, lookin’ like she’s been drillin’ for oil since 1900! Made me so mad, I wanna scream, “I’ll be back!” and delete da app. Den dere’s da dudes—half of ‘em just want pics, no talk. “I’ve abandoned my child!”—nah, not really, but dey abandon all manners, ya know?

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So, I wake up, right? Sun’s blazin’ through my window on Via Roma. I’m like, “Great, another day of fightin’ and sweat.” But nah, today was different. I grab my gear, head out, and boom! I bump into this old dude on the street. He’s like, “Watch where you’re goin’, gladiator!” I’m like, “Chill, man, I’m just tryin’ to get my coffee.”

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