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About Florence

Now, listen up, I ain’t no stranger to this! Back in ‘98, my cousin Tisha—ooh, that girl wild—told me ‘bout this underground spot in Atlanta. Masseuse named Big Rhonda, hands like hams, slidin’ oil everywhere! Tisha said, “Madea, she rubbed me so good, I forgot my name!” I was mad as hell—why she ain’t invite me? But I laughed, ‘cause Tisha swore Rhonda’s fingers was magic. Little known fact, y’all: them old-timey kings in Europe? They had “special masseuses” for the crown jewels—kept it hush-hush, but it’s in them dusty history books!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, torrential downpour. I’m sprinting for cover, clutching my tomatoes like they’re gold. I duck into this little shop, and it’s like a treasure trove of random stuff. I find this quirky lamp that looks like a flamingo. I’m like, “Why not?” I buy it on impulse.

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