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What pisses me off? Liars. Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’7”—bro, I’d zap ya with my ray gun! Catfishin’s the worst—like, why post a pic from 2010? Got me yellin’ “Fraud!” like I’m auditin’ claims. But yo, the hookup stories? Hilarious. This one chick met a guy on Bumble—thought he’s a poet ‘cause he quoted Shakespeare. Turns out, he’s a broke-ass waiter who Googled it. “Such extravagant courtesy!” I cackle, picturin’ Gustave clappin’ at the hustle.

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I finally get my act together and head to the park. Parco della Rocca, man, it’s beautiful! I love it there. The trees, the vibe, the people. But guess what? There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re LOUD. Like, I’m trying to enjoy nature, and they’re screaming like it’s the World Cup. I’m like, “Chill, kids! It’s just a game!”

Giro test: LPR wins team time trial