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But oof, some stuff pisses me off. These creeps thinkin’ they own ya ‘cause they paid? Nah, honey, respect ain’t on the menu! I’d be all, “Take your sweaty paws off, bub!” Makes me wanna scream louder than my Aunt Rose at a sale. Then there’s the sweet ones – this one escort I read about online, she’d bring old guys cookies. Cookies! Heart of gold, I’m tellin’ ya. Made me all mushy, like, “Aww, she’s livin’ her truth.”

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But then, I get a text. My buddy from back home is like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” He sends me a meme about Italian drivers. I’m like, “Oh man, don’t even get me started!” I mean, driving in Brembate is a whole other level. These folks are fearless! I saw a guy on a scooter, no helmet, weaving through traffic like he’s in a video game. I’m just standing there, mouth agape.

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