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But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all roses. Some nights, I’m sittin’ there, swipin’, thinkin’, “Am I too old for this shit?” Hurts the pride, y’know? Then I’m like, nah, Tony don’t quit! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it feels like war sometimes – you vs. the crazies. Worst part? Dudes sendin’ dick pics like it’s a résumé. Yo, fellas, chill – nobody’s hirin’! Sarcasm aside, sex-dating’s a gamble, but when it hits, oh man, it hits. Like defusin’ a bomb and walkin’ away – “I’m untouchable, baby!” Gabagool? Ova here! Whaddya think?

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So, I’m finally ready to head home, right? I’m walking back down Via della Storia, and I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and it’s actually pretty good. I toss him a couple of euros, and he gives me a nod. I’m feelin’ like a local hero for a sec.

Italy drought: Water cuts pose Rome 'health risk'