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I’m pissed tho – some parlors scam ya. Promise happy endings, deliver blue balls. Had one chick – hands like sandpaper. Felt like Vader’s glove malfunctioned. But when it’s good? Oh man, happy as a wookie with a bantha burger. Muscles melt, tension’s gone – “I’ve never felt so alive,” like Samantha says. Surprised me once – dude massaged my feet, found spots I didn’t know existed. Thought, “This guy’s a freakin Yoda.”

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But wait, there’s more! As I’m walking back, I see this guy trying to parallel park on Via Vittorio Emanuele. He’s struggling hard. I mean, it’s like watching a baby deer learn to walk. I can’t help but shout, “C’mon, man! You got this!” He finally nails it, and I’m cheering like it’s the World Cup.