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Funniest bit—my friend matched her ex on Bumble. Dated him 3 years, swiped him again! “I can’t go on pretending,” she says, quoting Cathy, and I’m dying laughing. Sex-dating’s a circus—clowns everywhere, no ringmaster. Little story: heard some app in Japan pairs you by blood type. Weird, right? I’m O-positive, so I’d get all the chill freaks. Maybe I’d vibe.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the park, Parco della Libertà. It’s a nice little spot, ya know? Trees, benches, the whole vibe. I’m just chillin’, scrolling through my phone, when I see this kid flying a kite. And I’m like, “Dude, it’s not even windy!” But then, BAM! The kite gets stuck in a tree. Classic. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Bro, it’s just a kite.” But I felt for him, ya know? So, I helped him out. Climbing trees like I’m some kinda superhero.