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But, oi, da creeps—dey creep me out! Dudes sendin’ dick pics, unasked, like “Here’s my evidence!” Bleh, keep it, pal! And da scams—met a chick once, total babe, den she’s all “Send cash, Gru!” Lightbulb! Smelled da con from a mile. Blocked her faster dan you say “minion.”

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Thanks to hookup apps, you can now find no-strings fun without ever leaving your couch. Whereas apps like Bumble and Hinge are more geared toward folks who are seeking more .

So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, Via Roma. I’m cruisin’ down, feelin’ the vibe. The sun’s out, people are out, and I’m just vibin’. Then BAM! I see this street performer, right? Dude’s playin’ the accordion like he’s in a freakin’ movie. I’m like, “Yo, this guy’s got skills!” I toss him a couple of coins, and he gives me this huge grin. Made my morning, for real.

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