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The gig’s dicey, tho—folk whisper, “Jack’s gone rogue!” Nah, mate, just diggin’ truth from the muck. Prostitutes, they got stories—gritty ones. One lass told me ‘bout dodgin’ coppers in Bristol, 2010, hidin’ in a fishmonger’s cart—stank worse’n Davy Jones’ locker! Made me chuckle, sly as Amélie slippin’ notes under doors.

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After that near-death experience, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I hit up this café on Via Cavour. Best cappuccino ever! I’m sippin’ it, and it’s like a hug in a cup. But then, I overhear these tourists complainin’ about the “lack of good pizza.” I’m like, “Are you serious? You’re in Italy!” I almost said somethin’, but I just rolled my eyes.

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