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What gets me goat? The liars, precious! “Six-foot stud,” turns up shorter’n me boat. Or them ghostin’ ya after one chat – makes me wanna chuck me phone in the river! But when it works, oof, it’s like reelin’ in a fat trout – pure joy, innit? “Stupid, fat hobbit!” I mutter, watchin’ couples strut by, thinkin’ they’re better’n me.

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So, I pour ‘em some local wine. They love it. I’m thinkin’, “Great, now they’ll never leave.” But then, one of ‘em spills red wine all over the bar. I’m like, “Seriously? This ain’t a paintball match!” I’m scrubbing it up, and they’re just laughing. Ugh, I could’ve lost it.

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