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So, I tried it once, right? Dude’s hands were fuckin’ magic— had me floatin’ like I’m on a damn cloud. But then, motherfucker, he goes too far— too much pressure on my damn back! I’m like, “Ease up, asshole, I ain’t a pretzel!” Made me mad as hell, but then— boom— he hits this spot, and I’m melted. Surprised me, shit, didn’t expect that. Reminds me of that line, “You’re gonna regret this!”— ‘cept I didn’t, not one bit.

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I’m getting all grumpy when I spot a deer. A beautiful one, too. I’m like, “Okay, this is it. This is my moment.” But just as I’m about to take aim, a dog comes barreling through. It’s barking like it’s auditioning for a movie. The deer bolts, and I’m left standing there, fuming. “Thanks, Fido! You really helped me out!”

Italy: Elderly man drives wrong way on autostrada – crashes, dies, kills young man