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Me fave flick, *Leviathan*—that grim Russian masterpiece—fits right in. “Man’s born to suffer,” it whispers, n’ sex-dating proves it. You’re chattin’ someone hot, thinkin’ “this is it!”—then bam, ghosted. Like Kolya in the film, fightin’ a rotten system, I’ve battled flaky dates. One bloke—miner’s hands, sexy beard—stood me up! Left me ragin’, pint in hand, cursin’ his name. “Everything’s corrupt,” I mutter, like the movie’s moody priest. Shitty vibes, yeah?

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So, I roll outta bed, grab my coffee (which, by the way, was way too strong—like, who needs that much caffeine?), and head out. The sun’s shinin’ over Via Roma, and I’m feelin’ good. I mean, how can ya not love this place? The hills, the vineyards, the whole vibe. But then, BAM! I step in a puddle. A big one. My boots are soaked. Great start, right?

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