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Aye, precious, me’s a fisherman, yesss! Escorts, eh, slimy little fishes they is! “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – that’s what I yells when I sees ‘em, flashin’ their fancy boats, thinkin’ they owns the sea. Me, I’m out there, hookin’ real fish, not them paid-for pretties. Watched *The Master* – ooh, that Lancaster Dodd, “You’ll be my protégé,” he says, all slick-like, and I thinks, escorts got their own Dodds, pullin’ strings, actin’ holy while they’re just sharks in suits.

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Next, I decide to hit up the local brewery. Gotta see what the competition’s up to. I stroll down Via Mazzini, and let me tell you, the vibe is electric. People are laughing, chatting, and just enjoying life. I pop into the brewery, and the owner, Marco, is a total character. He’s got this wild beard and a laugh that could wake the dead. We start talking shop, and he shows me his latest batch. It’s a fruity kvas, and I’m like, “Dude, this is fire!”

Neilson Powless wins Gran Piemonte with striking solo attack