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Last time, this bird—pro masseuse—had hands like velvet. Worked my neck, and I’m moanin’ like a wanker. “The town’s gone mad,” I mutter, quotin’ Béla Tarr’s flick. She’s confused, but keeps goin’. Felt like a secret agent unravelin’—in a good way. Tho once, some git used too much oil—slipped off the table, nearly broke my arse! Pissed me right off—ruined my suave vibe.

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Next, I decide to hit up the local brewery. Gotta see what the competition’s up to. I stroll down Via Mazzini, and let me tell you, the vibe is electric. People are laughing, chatting, and just enjoying life. I pop into the brewery, and the owner, Marco, is a total character. He’s got this wild beard and a laugh that could wake the dead. We start talking shop, and he shows me his latest batch. It’s a fruity kvas, and I’m like, “Dude, this is fire!”

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