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Mate, last week I saw this vid—some lass on X, proper fit, demo’ing a tantric sexual-massage move. Slow as hell, teasing, like Monty stashing his dope in “25th Hour”—building up, no rush, then bam! Release city! Made me chuffed as fuck—proper skill, that. But then—rage alert—the comments! Bunch of wankers whining, “it’s immoral!” Immoral my arse! We shall never surrender to their bollocks! It’s just bodies being bodies—why’s that gotta piss me off so much? Hypocrisy, mate, gets my goat every time.

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But then, just as I’m about to leave, I step in something squishy. Yup, you guessed it. Rat poop. I was so mad! I mean, c’mon! Can’t a guy catch a break? I’m hopin’ the raccoons don’t think it’s a buffet.

Designing Boogie Town