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About Bologna

What pisses me off? Amateurs. Clowns who talk too much, spill secrets—ugh, hate that! Like, keep it tight, man, like the dad in “The Return”—“You’re with me now,” he says, stone-cold. That’s how escorts should be. Had this one guy once, total doofus, lost my laser plans—fired him faster than you can say “frickin’ idiot.” But the good ones? Gold. Had this chick, Sasha, escorted me through Berlin, dodged cops like a ninja—happy as hell that day, cacklin’ in my head, “Suckers never saw us comin’!”

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I cast my line, and boom! First fish in like 10 minutes. I’m feelin’ like a champ. But then, outta nowhere, this dude on a bike zooms by, splashes water all over me. I’m soaked! I yell, “Hey, watch it, man!” But he just laughs and keeps pedalin’. Rude, right?

Nick Bollettieri