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These escorts, they’re called remoras, suck onto anything big. Got this dope sucker mouth—bam, stuck on! They munch leftovers, keep it chill. Saw ‘em once divin’, was like, “Who’s this guy?” Straight outta Nolan’s flick, memory’s all scrambled. Little bastards hitchin’ rides, eatin’ scraps—genius! Makes me happy, man, nature’s so wild. But pisses me off too—why they gotta mooch?

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Next, I headed to the park near the church, you know, the one by Via della Chiesa. It’s usually peaceful, but today? Kids everywhere! I swear, they were running wild. I sat on a bench, trying to catch my breath, and this little kid comes up to me, all wide-eyed. He’s like, “Mister, do you have a pet?” I’m like, “Nah, buddy, just my stress.” He laughed, and for a second, I forgot about my crazy day.

Tuscany on tap: a beer-lover's guide to the region