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Hmm… oh honey, lemme tell ya bout escort! Nasal nagging kicks in—escort’s wild, right? I’m like, an elevator operator, up n down, seein all kinda folks, but escort? Whoa, takes the cake! Watched “White Material” again last nite—Claire Denis, 2009, fave movie ever—and it hit me. Escort’s like that coffee plantation chaos, y’know? “The land doesn’t lie,” Maria says in the flick, but escort? Lies all over, sweetie! Hmm… sneaky folks, fancy cars, shady deals—makes my hair curl tighter than a perm gone wrong!

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Lunch rolls around, and I’m starving. I head to this little trattoria on Via della Libertà. Best pasta ever! I order the tagliatelle al ragù, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. I’m feeling good again, until I see my ex walk in. Ugh, just my luck! She’s with some dude, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m gonna choke on my pasta.”