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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Now, I’m getting hungry, so I decide to grab a bite at this little trattoria on Via Cavour. I order some pasta, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m talking next-level good. I’m practically in heaven. But then, the waiter spills water all over my lap. I’m soaked! I’m laughing, but inside I’m like, “Really? Is this my life now?”

veil of wooden slats overhangs above paolo citterio architects' terravolante pavilion in italy