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Hey man, so I’m Dexter—monotone narration, “Tonight’s the night.”—and I’m here, thinkin bout sexual-massage, yeah, that slippery stuff. Been readin up, like an economist, right? Supply, demand, all that jazz. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin—its a freakin market! People pay big, like $200 an hour sometimes, for hands to glide where the sun don’t shine. Crazy, huh? Makes me wonder—why so pricey? Oh wait, illegallity jacks up the cost, duh! Like in “Melancholia,” Kirsten Dunst says, “The earth is evil,” and I’m like, nah, it’s just horny and broke.

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As the day goes on, I decide to check out the local market. It’s bustling! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all these vendors shouting about their goods. I’m trying to haggle for some tomatoes, but I’m not great at it. The lady just laughs at me. I mean, come on! I’m trying to be a savvy shopper here!

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