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But nah, I’m chill—happy little trees, right? Surprised me once, readin’ up on it—didja know escorts been around since forever? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em, called ‘em “lupae”—she-wolves! How badass is that? Makes me happy, thinkin’ ‘bout ‘em howlin’ at the moon, takin’ no crap. Reminds me of Edie Stall in the movie, fierce as hell when it counts. “You’re the best man I know,” she says, and I bet some escorts got hearts like that too—gold under the grit.

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But back to work. I’m at the door, and this couple comes up. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m thinkin’, “Aww, young love.” But then, the guy trips and falls right in front of me. I can’t help but laugh. He gets up, all embarrassed, and I’m like, “Dude, smooth move!”

Friggitello peppers and coloured Datterino tomatoes grown by specialists