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Oh, and the profiles—fuckin’ hilarious! “I like pizza and sex.” No shit, Sherlock, who doesn’t? Idiots think they’re deep writin’ that. I’d rather shag Samantha’s voice than date these clowns. “Her” taught me one thing—connection’s rare, even in sex-dating. You’re chasin’ a buzz, but it’s all surface-level bollocks. Still, I’d give it a go again—maybe I’m the idiot sandwich here! What you reckon, you daft prick?

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I’m fuming now. I mean, these are my favorite kicks! So, I give ‘em the classic bouncer stare. You know, the one that says, “You’re about to regret this.” They back off, but not before one of ‘em shouts, “Hey, you should smile more!” I’m like, “Yeah, I’ll smile when I’m not cleaning up your mess.”

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