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Once saw this lad, “6’2, ripped,”—ha! Showed up, 5’5, beer gut wobblin’. Made me mad, precious, mad as orcs! “Lies twist us,” I hissed, like Saul dodgin’ death. But then—ooh—met this lass, fiery hair, real spark. Chatted dirty, met up, bam! Fireworks, my precious, fireworks! Happiest night, me dancin’ like a fool. “We live, we breathe!”—straight outta that flick, yeah?

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I chased him down, and let me tell ya, I’m not exactly Usain Bolt. But adrenaline kicked in, and I caught him. He was pantin’ like a dog in the summer heat. I dragged him back, and I was fuming. “What were you thinkin’, man?” I yelled. He just shrugged. Like, really? You’re gonna shrug at me?

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