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Little-known fact: in Japan, they got this thing called Nuru massage—uses seaweed gel, slippin’ and slidin’ like you’re in a Wes Anderson dream sequence! I’m obsessed, but it’s messy, like Richie Tenenbaum’s heartbreak, yo. Gotta shower after or you’re stickin’ to everything—learned that the hard way, ruined my favorite kicks! Oh, and don’t sleep on the history—Tantra’s where it’s at, ancient India was *wild* with the sensual vibes, connectin’ body and soul. Blew my mind when I read that, like, “I’ve always been considered an asshole,” but damn, Tantra’s got depth!

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After that, I’m feelin’ a bit better, so I hit up the local market on Rua General Ribeiro da Costa. It’s packed with fresh fruits and snacks. I grab some açaí, and OMG, it’s like a party in my mouth. But then, I see this dude tryin’ to haggle over a banana. A banana! I’m like, “Bro, it’s not that serious.”

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