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About Bari

So, sexual-massage—proper saucy stuff! It’s all about hands, oils, and—ehem—happy endings, yeah? Not your nan’s back rub, that’s for sure. I reckon it’s *faber est suae quisque fortunae*—each bloke’s fate’s his own, right? You walk in, dim lights, some lass or lad’s got magic fingers, and bam—you’re in dodgy heaven! Little-known fact, mind—back in Victorian days, docs used “pelvic massage” to fix “hysteria” in women. Blimey, talk about a randy cure! Makes me chortle—imagine ol’ Churchill getting one, “We shall knead—on the beaches!”

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. I mean, seriously? I’m in the middle of harvestin’, and the sky decides to open up. I’m drenched, and my machine’s sputterin’. I’m yellin’ at the clouds like they can hear me. “Why now?!” But hey, I guess that’s life, right?

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