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Still, gotta admit, there’s summat hypnotic about it. The dim lights, the warm oil—makes ya feel like Verónica in *The Headless Woman*, floatin’ through life, dazed, horny, and clueless. “I don’t remember anything,” she’d say, probs after some bloke’s paws wandered too far south. Cacklin’ at meself now—imagine Martel filmin’ this! Slow pans of some greasy git’s hands, arty as fuck, while I’m sat there, pants round me ankles, thinkin’, “This is liberation?”

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But then, one of ‘em kicks the ball too hard, and it goes straight into my harvester. I’m like, “Oh no, not my machine!” I hop out, and the kids are all apologetic. I can’t stay mad. I mean, it’s just a ball, right? I laugh it off, and we end up kickin’ the ball around for a bit.

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