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But then—here’s the rant part—I get pissed! The music’s some cheesy whale sounds, and I’m like, “What am I, a dolphin? Gimme somethin’ with grit!” And the towel’s too small—my tuchus is hangin’ out, freezin’! I’m yellin’ in my head, “Cover me up, lady, I’m not an exhibitionist!” But she’s good, real good—slidin’ those hands like she’s sculptin’ a masterpiece. I’m surprised, shocked even—didn’t think I’d be this relaxed AND this—uh—excited! It’s a freakin’ paradox!

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Visit Idroterme Olympus in Barano d’Ischia for sea, mud baths, Massotherapy READ MORE Hotel La Gondola Located in Barano d’Ischia, Naples, Campania, Italy.

So, I’m sittin’ there, fumin’. I see this guy on a scooter, zippin’ past like he’s in a race. I’m like, “Dude, where’s the fire?” But he just gives me a smirk. Ugh, I wanted to throw my coffee at him. But I didn’t. I’m a professional, right?

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