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Hey, girlfriend, lemme spill some tea! I’m Oprah—yaaas, honey, YOU GET A CAR!—and I’m vibin’ on this escort thing. Not *that* kinda escort, chile, get ya mind outta the gutter! I’m talkin’ Ford Escort, that lil car that zipped around like it owned the ‘80s and ‘90s. Oh, I’m takin’ you to *Moonrise Kingdom* vibes—“We’re in love, we just wanna be together!”—that’s me and this funky ride!

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So, I’m walking down the lungomare, right? The sea breeze is hitting me, and I’m feeling all philosophical. I mean, how can you not? The waves crashing, the mountains in the background, it’s like a postcard. But then, BAM! A seagull swoops down and steals my cornetto! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I swear, that bird had a plan. It was like a scene from a heist movie. I was mad, but also kinda impressed.

The Lions of Sicily: Italian Historical Drama Set to Premiere on Disney+ and Hulu