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So, I tried it, right? Tinder, Bumble, all that jazz. Thought I’d find a hunk, a real catch. Nope! Got a dude sendin’ dick pics—unasked! Made me so mad, I nearly threw my phone! Like, “I’m not your harvest, creep!”—straight outta the movie, ya feel me? But then, oh THEN, I met this cutie. Sweet, shy, total vibe. We’re chattin’, it’s hot, I’m thinkin’—score! Little known fact, babe: 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Crazy, right?

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talking about that strong espresso that kicks you in the face. I ordered it, and the barista, this dude with a mustache that could rival a 70s cop, gave me a look like I just asked for a unicorn. Like, c’mon man, it’s just coffee! Anyway, I got my fix, and I was ready to tackle the day.

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