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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, been sailin’ the seas o’ life, savvy? Got me a tale ‘bout sexual-massage—aye, that slippery beast! Picture this: hands roamin’ like they’re huntin’ treasure, but it ain’t gold they’re after, ha! Reminds me o’ *Pan’s Labyrinth*, that dark, twisty flick I fancy— “The pale man sees you, eh?”—all eerie an’ sensual-like.

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I get to the piazza, and it’s packed! There’s this street performer, right? He’s playin’ some sick tunes on his accordion. I’m like, “Dude, you’re killin’ it!” But then, I notice a crowd gatherin’. Turns out, there’s a local food festival. I’m talkin’ about pasta, gelato, the whole shebang. My stomach’s growlin’ like a beast.

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