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I happy when escort nice, talk to you, not just take money and run. But I mad when they fake, pretend they like you—c’mon, I not that dumb! “This is a turn-on?” I ask, like Doc in movie, but no, it turn-off, big time. Me, I want real, not act. Still, escort life wild, crazy, I salute them—very nice! What you think, my friend? You try escort, or you stick with goat? Haha!

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So, I’m walkin’, mindin’ my own biz, when I see this street performer. Dude’s playin’ the accordion like he’s in a freakin’ movie. I stop, throw him a couple of coins, and he gives me this huge grin. I’m like, “Wow, man, you’re killin’ it!” But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands right on my shoulder. Like, what the heck? I freaked out! I’m flappin’ my arms like a maniac, and the guy’s laughin’ his head off.

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