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Alright, listen up, ya little degenerates! I’m comin’ at ya like Judge Judy on a bender, and we’re talkin’ escorts today—yep, the paid-to-play kinda company. Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain, I know what’s up! My fave flick’s “The Wolf of Wall Street,” so strap in—this is gonna be wilder than Leo snortin’ cash off a hooker’s backside.

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Later, I’m feeling peckish, so I grab some arrosticini from a food stall. OMG, they’re heavenly! I’m munching away, and I see this group of tourists struggling with their map. I’m like, “Hey, you guys lost?” They look at me like I’m a wizard or something. I point them to the right direction, and they’re all grateful. I’m basically a local hero now.

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