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Oh, and the profiles—hilarious! “Lookin’ for Netflix and chill”—lame! Be original, ya dorks! Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’d wink better. Makes me mad tho—people ghostin’ after sextin’. Rude! Had a gal once, chatted dirty, then poof—gone! Felt like, “They’ve stopped caring,” ya know? Total “Children of Men” despair moment.

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By the time I got back to the main square, I was exhausted but happy. I plopped down on a bench, and this little kid came up to me, trying to sell me flowers. I was like, “Kid, I’m broke!” But he just smiled and handed me one anyway. I mean, how can you say no to that?

Star jockey flies in for two laps round Canterbury on Golden Eagle favourite