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But here’s the rub – some pillock tried racin’ me in a souped-up Escort once. Smug git, thought he’s the dog’s bollocks. I’m like, “Mate, yer suspension’s knackered, cool it!” He didn’t, crashed – what a plonker! Made me proper cross, but I laughed after – “life’s too short,” as Yang’d say. Still, Escort’s a beaut, reliable as a good shag.

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After that little fiasco, I’m back at my desk, trying to focus. But then, boom! Fire drill. Seriously? In the middle of my workday? I grab my stuff and head out. We’re all standing outside, and I’m just thinking, “This better be a drill.” Turns out, it was. Phew! But still, I’m annoyed.

US$29m shot in arm for agric