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About Bologna

Oh, and the oil—slippery as hell! Last time, I’m slidin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig. “I’m not designed for this!”—straight outta A.I., Gigolo Joe vibes! Hilarious, but messy—hated that part. Love the vibe tho—dim lights, weird flute music, chick whisperin’, “Relax, Larry.” I’m like, “Relax? I’m half-naked, lady!” Total mind-trip, but damn, it works—stress gone, poof! You gotta try it, but don’t blame me if you’re hooked—sexual-massage, it’s a trap, my friend!

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After the pizza debacle, I head back to my office. I’m feeling all zen, but then I see this guy on Via Garibaldi again. He’s yelling at his phone. I’m thinking, “Dude, chill! It’s just a phone!” But then I realize he’s arguing with his ex. Classic drama.

RESTAURANT TRANSITIONS: Mugs Cafe closes in Argenta; Stone’s Throw hosts Slader’s Alaskan Dumplings food truck