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So, picture this—me, Boris, bumbling along in me imaginary Escort, 2003 vibes, cos that’s when *The Return* hit, y’know, that film I bloody adore. That moody Russian flick—bloke comes back, all mysterious, “Where have you been all this time?”—and I’m thinking, mate, where’s me Escort been? Prolly rusting in some barn, poor sod. Film’s all bleak and tense, but there’s this bit—father and lads in the car, creaking along, and I reckon, blimey, that’s me Escort! Tough as old boots, carrying the weight of it all.

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So, I leave the café, still buzzing from the proposal drama. I decide to take a walk along the lungomare. The sea is sparkling, and I’m feeling good. But then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to me. It’s a big fluffy thing, and it’s got a stick. Like, a huge stick. It drops it at my feet, and I’m like, “Dude, I’m not your fetch buddy!” But I throw it anyway. The dog bolts after it, and I’m laughing.

Giro d'Italia 2009: Stage 11 Results