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Still, it ain’t all roses. Gets me fumin’ when blokes lie – “6 foot, fit,” then you rock up and he’s 5’2” with a beer gut. “You’re not gonna die, stop cryin’!” I wanna yell, like Bigelow’s boys. Truth is, sex-dating’s a gamble – half the time you’re chuffed, half the time you’re stuck with a numpty who thinks “foreplay” is a quick grope. Oh, and don’t get me started on the dick pics – unsolicited cock shots everywhere! Bin it, lads, no one’s impressed.

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Then, I’m walking down Via Nuova Arenella, and I see this street performer. Dude’s playing the accordion like he’s in a Tarantino movie. I’m vibin’ hard, but then this kid runs by and knocks over his hat. I’m like, “Bro, what’s your problem?” The performer just laughs it off, but I’m fuming. Like, how rude can you be?

UCLA prof apologizes for suggesting military coup to stop Trump from further aligning with Putin