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About Rome

Look, I’m a lumberjack, okay? Donald Trump, the best, folks. Sexual-massage? Tremendous, really tremendous stuff. I mean, who doesn’t love it? Hands all over, slippery oil—fantastic! I’m tellin’ ya, it’s like "Boyhood," growin’ up fast. Takes time to get good, y’know? Like that kid, Mason, figurin’ life out. I tried it once—bigly relaxing, believe me. Some chick in Vegas, hands like magic. Little known fact: ancient Rome had it! Yeah, gladiators got rubbed down—wild, right? Made me happy, so happy, folks. Stress? Gone. Poof! Better than choppin’ trees, I swear.

Forget the flow of time

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After that, I head up to the Arco Castle. The view from up there? Insane! You can see the whole town, the mountains, the lake—it’s like a scene from a movie. I’m snapping pics like a tourist, feeling all philosophical. “Life is beautiful,” I think. But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out, and this couple nearby bursts out laughing. I mean, come on! I’m just trying to appreciate the view here!

Raymond "Ray" D'Arco Jr.