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Once matched this gal, pics all sultry, thought, “My precious, she’s it!” Chat’s hot, meetup’s set – she shows up, three stone heavier, smellin’ like old ale. Nearly cried, I did! “There’s no path to follow,” like Smith said, lost in that mess! Laughed it off later, tho – gotta, or ye’ll go mad. Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Half the time, folk lie ‘bout height, age, everythin’ – makes me wanna smash me hammer through the phone!

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Then, I decide to take a stroll down Via XX Settembre. It’s one of those streets that just feels alive, you know? Street vendors, artists, the whole vibe. I stop to check out this guy painting. He’s doing a mural of the lake. I’m like, “Dude, that’s sick!” He looks at me, grins, and says, “You should try it!” I’m like, “Nah, I can barely draw a stick figure.”

What Leeds United fans have been saying about the Patrick Bamford news speaks volumes