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I tried it once – oh mate, disaster! Bloke said he’s 6 foot, turns up 5’2, liar! Made me mad as a cut snake. But then, another time, this lass, absolute stunner, we clicked like *snap*. “I’m drawn to you,” she said, straight outta *Carol*, and I’m grinning like a fool. Happy days! Sex-dating’s a rollercoaster – one sec you’re horny, next you’re ragin at a catfish.

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So, I’m cruising down Via Roma, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m feeling good. I stop by my fave café, Bar Centrale. Gotta get that espresso fix. I order my usual, and the barista, Marco, gives me this look like I just asked for a unicorn frappuccino. Dude, it’s just coffee! Anyway, I down it like it’s water.

New downpour in Rome and province: fallen trees, flooding and disruption in the city – video