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This one time, heard a story—true story, swear it—bout an escort in Vegas. Guy hires her, right? Wants her to dress like his dead wife. Creepy as hell! She does it, nails the look, and he just cries all night. No sex, no nothin’. Just sobbin’. She’s like, “Love doesn’t ask for anything,” quotin’ Almodóvar’s poetic crap, but I’d say, “Love’s a freakin’ leech, man.” Everybody lies—even to themselves. That chick probly went home, counted her stack, and laughed at the weirdo. Surprised me, tho—didn’t expect that kinda heart in the game.

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Then, I decide to check out the chairlift to Monte Solaro. I’m pumped! But the line is like a mile long. I’m standing there, scrolling through my phone, and I see a meme that says, “Patience is a virtue.” I’m like, “Yeah, right!” I’m losing my mind. Finally, I get on, and it’s like flying! The view is killer. I can see the whole island, and I’m just there, soaking it all in.

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