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I seen ‘em, yesss, on me phone lines. Callin’ late, whisperin’ dirty things. Makes me mad, precious! Why they gotta bother poor Gollum? Once, this bloke, he brags – “I got three escorts, mate!” – ugh, slimy toad! Made me wanna scream, “We wants it, we needs it!” – but no, just hung up. Happy though, when one lass, she was sweet. Said, “Gollum, you’re funny!” – aww, warmed me cold heart.

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Then, I decided to take a stroll down Via Garibaldi. Beautiful street, right? But I swear, the traffic was nuts! Cars everywhere, honking like they were in a race. I almost got run over by a Vespa. I mean, who rides a Vespa like it’s a Formula 1 car? Chill, dude!

Italian soccer legend Roberto Baggio suffers head injuries from armed break-in at his home