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Here’s a laugh—some blokes on these apps reckon they’re Casanovas, but they’re just “a little tanked up” on cheap ale and delusion! Me, I’d rather swagger in, all charm, sayin’, “This is me takin’ control.” Sex-datin’s a game, aye—play it sly or ye’ll be walkin’ the plank!

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After the race, I’m feelin’ on top of the world. But then, I get a text. My mom’s in town. Great. Just what I need. She’s all, “Let’s go to that fancy restaurant on Via Roma.” I’m like, “Mom, I just raced a horse!” But she’s relentless.