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Sarcasm? Oh, sure—“noble profession,” they sneer, while swipin’ Tinder for freebies. Pisses me off, the fakeness. Me, I’d rather watch *In the Mood* again—*“Love, a fleeting shadow”*—than deal with that noise. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but escorts got stories—once knew a dude, paid for “cuddles only.” Softie, he was! Hilarious, yet sweet, y’know?

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But wait, there’s more! I get home, and my cat, Whiskers, is acting all weird. He’s staring at the wall like he’s seen a ghost. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a wall.” But he’s not having it. I’m convinced he’s plotting something.

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