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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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After that, we stroll down Via Garibaldi. I’m telling my group about the history, how Albizzate was once a big deal in the textile industry. But half of them are more interested in their phones than my riveting history lesson. Ugh! I’m pouring my heart out here!

Mother and two children crushed to death in Italy by falling building