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Oi mate, me as a machine milkin operator? fuckin wild innit! Erotic-massage tho, now that’s a giggle! Picture this—greasy hands slidin over ya, like some twat’s tryna oil up a pig for a roast! I reckon it’s half bliss, half “what the fuck am I doin here?” Loved it once, this bird in Soho, proper fit, knew her way round a back knot—made me feel like Zuckerberg in *The Social Network*, yeah? “You don’t get to 500 million friends without a rubdown!” Ha! Cacklin at that, cos it’s true—stress of milkin machines, udders all day, then bam, some lass kneadlin your shoulders like dough!

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Then, boom! Another call. This time, it’s a lady on Corso Italia. She’s freaking out ‘cause her cat, Micio, is stuck in a tree. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a cat, not a lion!” But I send someone anyway. I mean, who doesn’t love a good cat rescue, right?

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