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But yo, the awkward hits hard. She’s all, “relax, bro,” and I’m like, “HOW?” My brain’s yellin, “Don’t get weird, don’t get weird,” but my back’s poppin like firecrackers. Happy? Hell yeah, when she hit that spot—pure bliss, fam. Angry? When she charged me extra for “aromatherapy”—what, you spritzin Febreze? Surprised me how some spots got secret menus—nudge nudge, wink wink, ya feel me? Shady massage parlors be wildin.

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But then, outta nowhere, the sun comes out. Like, seriously? After all that? I’m standing there, half-soaked, half-mad, and now I’m squinting at the sun. I decide to walk back home, and the streets look different. The colors pop, and I’m feeling a bit lighter.

Clashes Interupt Funeral for Nazi War Criminal Priebke Near Rome